I’ve been waiting to write this post until after Father’s Day, and until after I saw a post from at least one of my nieces – but now, I feel it’s appropriate for me to share the news that my oldest brother Tom passed away last Wednesday.
I’m going to share some thoughts and memories – but if you’d prefer the short version – please keep his daughters in your prayers. And the next time you look up at the stars, let your heart fill with wonder for just a moment.
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Tom had been in failing health for a number of years with a seriously compromised respiratory system – but he was tenacious. He always believed that there was a science that could save him. Almost two months ago he was taken from his nursing home into the emergency room and diagnosed with Covid-19.
But – tenacious. He actually went ahead and survived that – eight days of hospitalization and then two weeks quarantine back in the home. I hadn’t gotten any answer to my messages to him but that just felt like the status quo for my largely non-communicative family.
On Tuesday night this week though, my niece was summoned to the hospital – but by before Wednesday morning, he seemed to have decided he was done. Reports are he passed quickly and quietly – he would appreciate the analogy of simply ‘powering down’. Tom was 78 years old and was the oldest of my two brothers.
I’m moving through what grief there is after being at “any day now” for 2 1/2 years. Surprising, the memories that come up – and the lyrics manifesting in my brain. There will be a song in his honor.
He always saw himself as an astronomer – actually getting himself a teaching gig. He taught an undergraduate astronomy course at Wilmington College in the early 2000s and the course synopsis read:
“Students in this course will gain an understanding of the sun and other stars, planets, comets, asteroids, and galaxies in the universe. Emphasis is placed on discovering how happenings in the universe affect everyday life. Stargazing field trips will take place when skies are clear.”
https://www.wilmu.edu/catalog/catalogundergrad_2007.pdf
So this weekend we had the summer solstice, Father’s Day, and a solar eclipse (and the Sun entering Cancer, and Mercury in Retrograde). So yeah – it seems he timed it all pretty well.
I never really felt like I spent a lot of time with Tom. Many of you know, there’s a serious age range among my siblings and I. The first three arrived within four years, then an eight-year gap to my second sister, then another 13 years until I finally showed up. When I was a toddler my sister and brothers were having (or already had) children of their own. My nieces and nephews and I are all in the same ‘generation’. But there are things about Tom that will always inform who I am.
Legend has it that when I was born my parents didn’t tell anyone my mother was expecting. She was 42, it was 1963 – who knows what might happen? When Tom got the call that he had another little brother, he fainted. Further legends state that when I was in my room in my crib he would sneak his head in the door and go “pssst”. Is it any wonder I ended up this jumpy?
What always struck me about him though was that he was a scientist – but by passion, not by formal training. I used to watch as he weaved his way through life and projects and hobbies – designing telescope imaging ideas, building electric cars LONG before Tesla. I always wondered what would happen if and when he found his niche.
I’ve learned a lot from my oldest brother – I still am, actually – both by paths he’s taken and paths that weren’t available to him. But above all, the lesson is to work to solve the problem – and live to dream a better day.
Safe travels Tom. Warp speed.